Speak Out with your Geek Out: Science and Religion, Love and Zombies
WD
Robertson
Ah, where to begin? Where to begin?
When I heard about Speak Out with your Geek Out through Facebook friends and acquaintances, I wanted to contribute,
but had to think about it for a bit.
Should I focus on the details of one or more geeky interests? Or should I discuss the struggles of a young
geek in the 70s and 80s? Nah, you’ve all
been through your version of that, and have your own interests. I finally decided to write about where being
a geek can lead you, and by extension, what my own geeky interests have
wrought.
I went through the same kind of early life
that most geeks did: monster movies,
science fiction and fantasy novels, Dungeons and Dragons and a bazillion other
tabletop role playing games. You want to
know the strange part? No one ever said anything
to me about any of that. Not a
word. Maybe they didn’t understand, but
I suspect the other kids just didn’t care about those things. But I got plenty of flak. Oh yeah.
Plenty. I
was the smart kid who didn’t talk much.
I wasn’t “cool.” I didn’t care
about clothing trends or hair styles or any of that nonsense. All I cared about was knowledge. I read everything I could find. I haunted the local library. Quiet.
Alone.
They say no man is an island, but I was doing my best to become an
intellectual peninsula. And when you’re
not one of the crowd, you’re the geek. The target. And the less I cared about being a target,
the more it hacked ‘em off. But so what?
If I had given in and tried to conform, I would still have been an
outsider and reject, a different sort of geek, perhaps, but a geek nevertheless. Small price to pay, I say, for doing what I
wanted.
I had a fairly strict religious upbringing
that I found deeply unsatisfying for a lot of reasons. Suffice it to say that I have never been one
for blind obedience. Maybe there’s a
gene that allows folks to believe what they hear without analysis or
introspection. If so, I don’t have it.
But I had questions, by God, and I wanted answers, not rants and smug
assertions about who would or wouldn’t burn in Hell.
By
the way: Hell. Wonderful place, that. Hell is the place you go for asking
questions. Hell is the place you go if
you know too much. Hell is where
scientists go. Hell is where movie
makers and musicians go. Hell is where
you are condemned when you don’t fit in.
Hell? Groovy. Sign me up.
Speaking of Hell, I discovered zombies in
1978 when I saw an ad in a newspaper for George Romero’s “Dawn of the Dead” and
the famous tag line, “When there’s no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the
Earth!” I was both intrigued and
repelled by that creepy bald zombie with really bad skin on the movie
posters. Then in 1981 or thereabouts I
saw Romero’s 1968 “Night of the Living Dead” late one night on Public Broadcast
television. I was hooked. I was fascinated. The idea of an implacable and unrelenting foe
that never stopped, that never ceased, was too cool. Movie theatres always checked IDs for age
requirements, but video rental places didn’t, and a week or so later I finally saw
Romero’s 1978 “Dawn of the Dead.” Apocalypse. The End of the World.
I’d never seen anything like it in scope or concept. These were the first monster movies I saw
with no answer for the problem, no solution to the zombies, and no happy endings. Neither science nor faith would save the day. Courage only prolonged the struggle. All knowledge was for naught when the
shambling mob seized you with their cold dead hands. But, you know, I think what really got me was
that the zombies just didn’t care about what was cool and what wasn’t. They knew everything they needed to
know. They had all their answers. Zombies were, in essence, what I wanted to
be.
“When
there’s no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the Earth.” Groovy. Sign me up.
College came next. University libraries. A wealth of diverse thought
and debate. A
master’s degree in Biology with an emphasis on evolutionary processes. At the same time, I discovered a massive
corpus of knowledge that began to answer questions I’d carried for too many
years: Esoteric Christianity,
Gnosticism, Neo-Platonic philosophy, Theurgy. I continued learning after college. I danced the Samhuinn
and Beltaine fires with Wiccans and attended séances
with witches while at work I developed cell culture techniques. I delved the dark recesses of the human mind
with Thelemites and Luciferians
during grad school when I wasn’t excavating late Pleistocene fossil sites. I debated nature of God with Buddhists and Hermeticists when I wasn’t in the lab buried behind
thousands of pages of data to review.
Perhaps, as some have suggested, like Augustine I walked the streets of
Babylon with the basest of companions. I
don’t think so. These were some of the
finest people I’ve ever met. And you
know what? At some point in this
process, I came to know myself. And in
knowing myself, I began finding the answers I sought.
One might question whether or not science,
the occult and religion can coexist peaceably in one brain. I don’t have an answer for that. I just know it doesn’t bother me. Life is only as complicated as you make
it. I decided not to let these
dichotomies complicate things. Occult
studies and theology are my retreat from the rigors of the scientific method and
cold hard fact. Or maybe it’s not as
clear cut a division as I used to think – I do tend to go about my studies very
methodically and my favorite occult writer emphasized the importance of keeping
detailed records of one’s work. Perhaps
the two lines of thought are not so different.
By
the way: When it comes to theology and
occult studies, I am fascinated with the dark side of the universe and of human
nature. My primary interests are
demonology, necromancy, and the Problem of Evil. Does this mean I run around in a black robe sacrificing
goats and chickens? Nope. Does it mean I hurl curses at folks who cut
me off in traffic or who talk on their cell phones in movie theatres? Well, yes, actually, on those two
points. You who have never wanted to do
the same may cast the first stone. And
at any rate, dear reader, what I believe shouldn’t matter to you. Only what you
believe should matter.
But so what?
What does being a geek get you? Why
not just give in and join the herd and have a normal boring life? Why push yourself to excel in your interests
and passions? I’ll tell you why: if you do what you love you can change the world.
As I write this I have, by my decision, ended
a very successful career in pharmaceutical research and development to move on
to new things. I had the good fortune to
be on research teams that developed treatments for a couple of cancers and
several genetic diseases. Someone asked the
other day if I thought it was worth the stress and long hours and the
alienation from friends and family that intense work can bring. Was it worth it? Absolutely. I have a copy of a letter from a child whose
life we saved. He’s still in remission
from his cancer and, I hope, has a long and fruitful life ahead of him. That is the best thing my geekiness and weird
interests have accomplished: saving a
life. And adding a life to the world
changes it. Maybe not in a big way, but
I hope so.
By
the way: Nearly twenty years ago the
Internet rolled around and I dived right in.
Data! Information! Amongst the crap, an
infinity of learning and thought.
Best of all, discussion and scholarly discourse: BBS, Telenet,
Usenet, chat rooms, forums and email lists.
One evening I was hanging around a chat room talking about things that
most people would find either bizarre or downright disturbing, speaking out with my geek out, as it were. Entirely by accident I made a friend. My friend was almost as much of a geek as me
(maybe more so in that she actually had a Starfleet uniform), but most importantly, she’d been on a search so
similar to mine it was uncanny. The
friendship grew and at some point became something else, something better. Almost fourteen years ago she married
me. Life couldn’t be happier. Hell?
Not even close. Groovy. Sign me up.
And that, dear reader, is where being a geek
can bring you. A happy and fulfilling
life without regret where “what might have been” is something other people
worry about. Keep learning, keep asking
questions, and hold to your interests no matter what anyone else says. It’s worth it.
Ignorance
is the curse of God; knowledge is the wing wherewith we fly to heaven. (William Shakespeare, Henry
VI, Part II, Act IV, Scene 7)
Best,
WD Robertson
Post-script
Perhaps a list of my geeky interests is
applicable at this point. They include,
in no particular order:
Writing tabletop RPG material (www.texaszombie.com)
All things Zombie, particularly indie films
and press
Collecting old books and role playing games
Demonology, alchemy, and grimoires
Other occult and theological studies
Classical and modern philosophy
Linguistics, particularly ancient languages
History and literature
Science of all types, along with scientific
ethics
Blacksmithing, woodworking and leather craft
Playing bagpipes, tin whistles and bodhrans
Historical re-enactment, including costume
making
All things Godzilla
Goth and Dark Metal music
World of Warcraft
All things Dystopian
Bird watching and nature photography